Which means that I have to make the most of the uninterrupted moments we do have, and part of that is ensuring that my son and I are having meaningful discussions about the things in his life that matter to him and to me – such as his friends, his curriculum at school, his successes and his fears.

I make it a point to set aside a few minutes each day to ask him specific questions that lend themselves to discussions, and just as important as the questions themselves, are the answers my son gives me. A lazy “yep” or half-hearted “nothing” doesn’t suffice and he knows better than to take these shortcuts. By training him early on that a conversation is a two-way street, I’m hoping to avoid the caveman grunts that seem to take over our precious offspring during the adolescent years.

Hey, a mother can dream, can’t she?

In no particular order, my top 5 questions I think you should ask your child every single day:

1. What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday?

This question doesn’t just pertain to lessons learned in a classroom setting. Many of the things my son learns happen outside of the classroom, where there isn’t necessarily an adult around to help him navigate through the information. If his buddy Eric is filling him in on the birds and the bees during recess and out of earshot from teachers, I want to know about it, stat. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m just fishing for the “bad” stuff. Some of my greatest trivia knowledge has come from Ian, who has plenty of random facts stored in that brain of his.

2. What did you do that was kind for someone else?

Ours is a society built on individuality, and there are many pros that come with that; but the cons are just as plentiful and one of them is that we learn, from a young age, to fend only for ourselves. By asking Ian daily what he did for someone else, I’m holding him accountable to think about others and act accordingly. In the beginning he needed some ideas on how to be more helpful, such as holding a door open for a teacher, or helping someone who may have dropped something by picking it up for them. Now, years later, Ian is a natural at this and I couldn’t be more proud. I love hearing about the way he helped a friend study for a spelling test or how he stood up for a younger child when he was taken advantage of during a game of dodge ball. I often hear from teachers and coaches that Ian is caring and thoughtful and of course this makes me swoon!

3. If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?

This question often generates a variety of responses. What I’m looking for from Ian when I ask him this is whether or not he made a mistake that may be weighing heavily on his heart, or whether he witnessed an injustice, such as a bullying incident, or whether he was himself bullied. Since his brother has special needs, this question also often leads to a discussion about Andrew’s autism, or gives Ian the opportunity to say something along the lines of “I wish Andrew could have gone to the park with me today instead of having to go to the doctor’s again,” or “I wish Andrew could talk instead of whining so much.” It opens the door for Ian to complain, vent, or admit a wrong without my having to actually come out and say, “Hey! Did you do something wrong today?” By posing the question in such an open-ended way, it safely promotes full disclosure about a part of the day that just didn’t sit well with him and it gives us an opportunity to talk about it without fear of judgment or consequences.

4. What are you most grateful for today?

You know the best part about gratitude? It’s not affiliated with any religion or political party; it’s something that resides in our hearts no matter what or who we do or don’t believe in. But the thing about gratitude is that it can lay dormant if we don’t seek it out and nurture it on a regular basis. Though I believe it is inherent in all of us, gratitude needs to be practiced daily, and a simple question that prompts your child to think about all he or she has to be thankful for shouldn’t be reserved just for Thanksgiving Day. And the best part is that by asking my son each and every day what he’s grateful for, he doesn’t feel pressured to come up with a profound answer every single time because he knows that it’s okay to be grateful for even the smallest and silliest of things. Some days he’s grateful for his family and his friends, and some days it’s getting to school early enough to hang out with his buddies before the first bell rings, or the fact that his favorite pair of boxers were clean and in his underwear drawer. Regardless, he’s learning to think in terms of thankfulness and that’s going to carry him a long way in life.

5. If you could describe today in one sentence, what would it be?

It’s a simple question but can truly provide an in-depth look at what your child has experienced during his or her time away from you. Especially if it’s something along the lines of: “My day today was really really great when Billy shared his fruit snacks with me but then it wasn’t so good when they turned out not to be fruit snacks at all.”

The important thing to remember when it comes to practicing the art of conversation with your child is to refrain from leading them towards an answer when asking a question; kids are desperate to please their parents and if they think you want to hear something specific, they’ll most likely materialize it out of thin air. Developing rapport between the two of you means that when something super important (good, or heaven forbid bad) does happen, you’ll more likely be the first to hear about it.